The Scale, the Journal, and the Gym.

The Scale

I keep telling myself, “DON’T LOOK AT THE SCALE!!!!”

Just whatever you do, don’t look at it. It’s not your friend at the moment. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love to see those numbers drop. But when you have a scale at home and one at the office it can create a complex. The one at home is always two pounds less because I’m never wearing the layers of clothes required for me to be workplace appropriate. But the one at work is supplied by a health network… could it be more accurate? NAHHHH… its from Target just like the other one. Personal deal made… look at the scale twice a week and only twice a week.  (I’m gonna break this)

The Journal

I have been keeping a food journal for the past 26 days. It was requested by my doctor so he can take a look at what foods I need to add and what foods I need to take away. When he told me this I was like, “SURE! That’s not gonna be an issue. I can be honest with you and myself” Boy! Was I wrong.

This thing is hard! Writing down my protein coffee is easy to do. I don’t believe there will be any judgment there but writing that you ate a burger, chips, dip, brats, and 7 beers on 4th of July is hard. Its hard to admit to myself and even harder to present to a doctor. But as hard as it may be I have to do it. And now I can say its has been the best dieting tool I have ever used. I have turned down so many sweets because I just don’t want to have to write it down!

The Gym

I joined a gym! I’ve only been twice but am walking a few miles on my days off. I’m already feeling my body adjust and become something new. How could two days do that? My goal is go to the gym three times a week and build up from there. Wish me luck!



The “Finding Rae” Adventure

“Finding Rae”, what a very strange title. You’d think that at 29 I would already know what I needed to know about myself. Hell! Until a few weeks ago I thought I did. I was pretty set on living my life as a proud fat queer artist. I mean.. why wouldn’t I be? After years of horrible relationships with both family, friends, partners, and myself, I had finally started to work on the one person that mattered. Me.

I’ve spent the last two years single and focusing on my mental happiness. So focused on the mental side of life that I forgot that I needed to take care of myself physically. I forgot that even though that sugar cream pie smells mighty fine in the oven, it probably isn’t the best idea to eat the entire thing in two days. An idea that might seem kind of hard to forget for the average lady but to a carb addict with hormonal issues, believe me, it’s easily forgotten. Forgotten until reality hit me right in the face.

A few months back I went to the gynecologist for my yearly check. Being a fat girl I was immediately shamed for my appearance (we will get into this in another blog). Long story short, blood was drawn, glucose came back high. I put the results to the back of my mind because… duh… I had some gummy bears the night before. Doesn’t everyone end their day with a giant handful of artificially colored sugar bears? A few weeks went by and my work needed me to complete my yearly health screening. Blood drawn, glucose was high. I started to worry.  I made an appointment with my primary care physician. Long talk about my weight, blood drawn, glucose fine, resting insulin levels high. “PRE-PRE-DIABETES”, were the only words I heard.

I should have seen this coming. I’m fat, have PCOS, a mother with type 2 diabetes, and my mother had gestational diabetes while carrying me. Everyone else saw it coming. Why didn’t I? Why wasn’t I honest with myself? I asked all the whys I could think of and then switched to the what’s. What do I need to do to change my life around? What is my first step? What is my goal? What do I need to do in order to achieve this goal? I don’t want a diabetics life.

So, that brings me to my new adventure. My “Finding Rae” movement. I’ve got to find a new me in a body that has been my shelter for the last 29 years. A 300+ lb. shelter.

Its been 20 days since I decided I needed to change my life around. 20 days of food journaling, cutting carbs, changing eating habits, getting more exercise, and telling myself no. I’ve got a hell of a lot more days to go but I can do it! I’ve got to do it.

– 👽 Rae

Below you will find my stats and goals. I gave myself a date to achieve my first goal but after that I won’t set dates. My goal isn’t just about weight its but being healthy and I will take my time if my body needs time.


29 yr old cis female, 5′ 10″

July 1st – 330 lbs

July 20th – 319.9 lbs. – 10 lbs. down!



1st- 295 lbs. by age 30 (12/8/2017)

2nd- 250 lbs.

3rd- 230 lbs.

Life Goal-  220 – this would  be a 110 lb weight loss!